Amanda Stoker wears many hats: yoga instructor, esthetician, reiki practitioner, cross-fit competitor, and so much more. It wasn't always this way. Amanda shares her story about learning to love herself and making changes to live her fullest life. Be inspired!
Originally published Dec 19, 2018
Transcript link (uncorrected machine translation) |
Amanda Stoker wears many hats: yoga instructor, esthetician, reiki practitioner, cross-fit competitor, and so much more. It wasn't always this way. Amanda shares her story about learning to love herself and making changes to live her fullest life. Be inspired!
Welcome back to the I Am Virago podcast, where we get real about the struggle, drop the occasional F-bomb, and hear how amazing Virago women imperfectly navigate the world around them.
[00:00:41] I am Amanda Stoker. And to pay the bills. I work as an institution doing
facials, waxing reiki and teaching yoga. Oh, wow. And what are you passionate about?
I'm passionate about healing and wellness and becoming my best self and teaching
others to do the same.
[00:01:05] And you said, you know, that you work as an institution, but don't you own
your own company? Yes, I do.
[00:01:13] I open up my own company a couple of years ago. It's called a yo mo. Yo
Mo. What is your most stand for as an institution? I found myself moving into the field of
yoga and mobility. And as I was posting to Instagram and Facebook, my social media
accounts, I would post yoga and mobility poses for people. And so I coined the word
Yoma from that.
[00:01:39] And I thought at some point I would transition into my own business and just
do yoga and mobility and dropped the institution business. Well, I realized quickly that
that was a terrible idea. I've been an institution for 14 years. I cultivated this amazing
clientele that trusted me and would follow me anywhere. And so I realized that was
really silly. So when I decided to open up my own business as an institution in deciding
what to name it, I really like Jomo. I like that it was unique and catchy. So my umbrella
did all of what I do under your MO. OK. And changed it to mean your motivation. Make
time for you playing off the y o and the m o. And then they don't have to mean anything
at the same time. It can just be your mo. Now we've all heard of YOLO. You only live
once. Yes. So it's somewhat of a play off of that. OK. That's your motivation. What's
your reason for living? Why are you here?
[00:02:41] So, so really light questions. Really, really easy to answer. So I can say, why
am I here getting a facial?
[00:02:49] Because I'm taking time for myself. Because I care about my skin and I want
the outer part of my self to also look its best as well as the inside.
[00:03:01] So I focus on both of those aspects of people.
[00:03:04] Well, I will say I have had the pleasure of many facials from you, and your
facials are unlike anything I've ever experienced. I feel like I've gotten a full 90 minute
massage when I walk out. There's something about the way you do your work that is
amazing. And this is not a commercial for Amanda's business. If you're looking for a
facial and you live in Seattle, look for Yoma. But what is it about your practice that you
think makes it unique as compared to other places that do the work that you do?
[00:03:34] I worked at a spa in Ballard in Seattle for about 10 years, and I quickly rose
to being the highest booked busiest esta Titian there. And I would often have other
institutions ask me this question and I would pause. And I was in a little bit of a different
place in my life where I didn't really think too much about it. But I paused and I was like,
I just give a shit. I just care. I care about people. It's more than just them coming in for a
brow wax. It's this is their 15 minutes away from their kids, away from their job, away
from everything that's around them, constantly demanding things of them. So I bring
that into my service. Like I care about your eyebrows. I care about the way you look. I
care about your skin. That I don't lift your skin. I want you to look and feel your best and
not caring about people. People sense that even if it's not conscious, they sense that
you care about them and they rebook with you before they go. And that's how I built my
business is is caring about others. And. And then I've once I understood that that's what
I was doing. And that's was my point of difference. I then worked to develop that. So you
were to really cultivate that sense of gratitude and caring? Yes. Learning energy, work
and energy, healing and tuning into the energy body, inviting in healing for others and
studying about how the body heals itself. And lying down and resting is one of the ways
the body heals itself. So how does that happen on a physical level? How does that
happen on an energetic level? So touching on all these things and learning more about
it so that I can invite that in and be even more of a conduit for my clients, for their self
care.
[00:05:18] One of the other things I'm unfortunately the the listeners can't see is you are
in amazing shape.
[00:05:25] Oh, thank you very much. What do you do? Well, when I started my fitness
journey, I was kind of a couch potato.
[00:05:33] I would work at three typically, and I'd sleep and watch TV all day until I had
to go to work and then I'd come home. Watch TV again until I went to sleep. I mean,
really, it was a pretty sedentary, lazy lifestyle. And then I went through some major life
changes and I realized that I needed to find some things to change the way I looked at
life and definitely changed the way that I felt. I've always been a slim build and in our
society, that's very acceptable. And so I never felt motivated to workout. Interesting.
Had a smaller build person. You don't feel those pressure so much. I guess I just will
speak for myself. I never felt those pressures. And people in my family and other friends
that I know have. But when I decided I needed to start making some changes in my life,
fitness was something I was drawn to, especially yoga. I actually saw myself standing
on my head when I was like asking my inner self, like, what do we do here? How do I
get myself out of this place where I feel so terrible? I mean, I really kind of hit a rock
bottom and I started seeing myself standing on my head. So I was like, OK, I guess I'll
go to yoga. So every day I was really feeling awful. This time I was going through a
divorce. I will get my everyday feeling terrible. And I thought I just have to wake up and
go to yoga. That's all I have to do, just get there and breathe. And then that led to
wanting to do something for others after I did this for a few months. My mom has
Parkinson's disease, so me getting out of my own mind of suffering was like, OK, my
mom suffers a great deal more than I do every day. So what can I do for her? And so I
started researching some stuff online. I was like, Oh, there's the L.A. Marathon. Why
don't I sign up for that? OK. I had just run my first five K.
[00:07:33] Go, go, go. I guess I was like, well, why not?
[00:07:36] Right. So I looked up. It was in March and this was November of two
thousand eleven. And so in November I sat down and I found this marathon.
[00:07:47] I was like, OK, why not? I found a 14 week training program plan that
perfectly lined it up with the marathon. I think this is meant to be. And I just started
running.
[00:07:57] I just started following the plan. I woke up every day and I started running.
And then after that, I decided that I would get into cross fit because I was really skinny.
All the running, I drained off all the fat off of my body and it was really taking a toll on my
joints. So if I need to build some strength here. When I started cross fit, I couldn't even
do a squat. A lot of the movements, the coaches would come up to me and tell me to do
things.
[00:08:23] And I was like, I can't I don't have the muscle tone for that.
[00:08:28] I didn't have the muscle tone. My joints were weak. Like all that running had
really taken a toll on my knees and my ankles. But I started and I fostered a really nice
community at the Cross Fit gym that I went to, great people there that really cultivated
my strength and that made me feel so strong. All the little increments of growth there
just made me feel stronger and stronger and stronger. And through this, I realized that
the body's the vehicle to enlightenment. Oh, tell me. Yeah. Looking at our bodies as a
path to enlightenment. So enlightenment to me is your very best self.
[00:09:08] You are striving and working towards being a compassionate being towards
yourself and towards others. And seeing the oneness in the universe. So on the
personal level, I mean, that seems really big and out there.
[00:09:23] So how could I make that more personal? What can I do for myself to make
the world a better place? There's so much going on in the world that I can't control. And
if I focus on that, makes it crazy, makes you crazy. I don't get so upset. And you take on
all that suffering in the world and you just shut down. So what can I do? Well, I can
make this vehicle, this body in the best shape possible because this is my vehicle to
take action in the world. I want to take the best care of it that I can. Yeah. And my
mechanism to do that is through yoga and cross fit movement movement I find to be
very therapeutic. Whether you're dancing or doing Barbies, you know, moving with your
body and loving your body there are inspiring me to get back into my yoga rehab.
[00:10:14] Thank you. It feels so good. There is no better feeling than after doing like
the most difficult kick ass ward. That's a workout of the day. WIOD. And you look
terrible. You're my face as a rag or a sweat. You're just goodrow. And you feel like that's
Amy Schumer movie, the one where she feels like she's just the most beautiful person
on the planet. If that's how you feel. Yeah. When you lift. Weights over your head or
that's how I feel. So empowering and empowering as a woman. It's very empowering.
[00:10:47] And yes, it makes me feel so happy. So drafting us this. This excitement.
[00:10:52] What is a professional or personal win that you've had recently that you want
to talk about?
[00:10:56] Well, in starting Nomo there spent a lot of things I've had to do. I wear all the
hats. I'm at that institution. I'm the manager and the owner. I do the books. It's a lot. And
it can feel really overwhelming. Or at times it has. So a big win for me is to keep going.
Really keep going. Look at the big picture. OK. That seems kind of stressful. Like there's
all these things to do and narrowing it down. What's the most important thing I can do
today to move towards my growth as a business owner, as a person, whatever category
it is? And then I do that task. I do that task of that day.
[00:11:35] Fantastic. So you do a lot of focus and you in that you win is that you've been
able to hone that focus.
[00:11:41] Yeah, the discipline that's been a big win for me. You know, there's been a
lot of little wins this year. I set a goal to get my yoga tuneup certification, and I just did
that. Congratulations you. It was a challenging but really rewarding and really fun. And I
met some amazing people and of course, learned so much in ways that I wasn't
expecting. And then my next goal educationally this year is to get my level one cross fit
certification and I'm signed up to go do that. Wow. So you can look at me like you were
saying earlier and see this really fit person. Yeah, but it started with me not being able
to run down the block or do a squat.
[00:12:22] I when people compliment me on my physique, I really wish I could be like
this is what I looked like before. This is what I could do. If I can do this, you can do this.
Yeah. I'm not an athlete. I wasn't. Now I am.
[00:12:37] But when you start, it can be really discouraging when you see the people at
the gym that are better than you. Yeah. You can always find someone who is quote
unquote getter than you. Yes. And I find that to be true now. And I found that to be true
when I started out. It's very important to see that. Be conscious of it and rewrite that
story. That I'm not good enough story. And tell yourself I'm here. I showed up and I'm
doing this because nothing comes quickly. It's all incremental changes. And then you
look back over whether it's a year or even six months and you're like, oh, my gosh, I've
made progress. You know your progress. And that's when you give yourself that high
five.
[00:13:21] Yeah. And then I've decided that you just need to follow me around every
day. And be my voice. That would be fantastic. Yeah. Okay.
[00:13:30] Fantastic. This stories going to be really strong. They're written and
especially. I feel like as a woman, I was constantly held to a standard of beauty that I
could never meet. And I feel that's the same with most women. And so there's this story
of I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough. And so the sooner we can catch
ourselves going down that road, the easier it is to rewrite it and shift our brain into that
other place of like, no, I'm good enough. I am enough. I am enough. And if you have to
tell yourself that 100000 times, then you do that. And then the next time you'll catch it a
little quicker.
[00:14:06] Yes. So very inspiring. And so this is where I love to take the left turn and go
to the struggle.
[00:14:15] Is there a professional or personal struggle you've been dealing with lately
that you want to share or talk about?
[00:14:21] Well, my most recent struggle has been around my comfort foods. Yes. So
when I get triggered because of having a lot to do, I've been working on my website
lately and for some reason that has really been triggering me. And when I say triggered,
it's that place you get where you feel uncomfortable. And so you want that thing that
makes you feel better. Could be alcohol. Could be food. Could be lots of things that
whatever outside of you gives you pleasure. So for me, that's been food and especially
cookies, cookies and coffee lattes, lattes and cookies are my comfort items. And so I
was feeling this quite a bit and giving into this urge of like, oh, I'm just going to eat these
cookies and eat these cookies. But it was all around this Web site having to do this one
more thing. And I wasn't really sure why it was triggering me, whether it was putting
myself out there.
[00:15:19] I needed to write some blogs or all the tasks or whatever it was, but it was
triggering me. So I was noticing that it was causing me to go to these habits, that as a
healthy person, I try to avoid sugar. So I've been listening to a podcast that's really been
helping me. So you don't meet many people in your life who don't. Sugar.
[00:15:42] True. People are like, what's the big deal?
[00:15:44] That's fine. So that's where the cross fit community is really helped me,
because that's where I find that support and that network. And I do have that at my own
gym. But I started to listen to a really great podcast called Chasing Excellence and
Bergeron from Prosit New England. He's a coach for many of the top women athletes.
Lots of amazing women that are competing at the CROSSFIRE games here coming up.
But anyway, so he talks a lot about discipline. And there's a podcast, daily discipline that
I actually listen to over and over again when I need that extra surge. It's so important
when you're trying to change habits to have that positive voice in your ear. Instead of
that, like, what's the big deal? You can have that cookie. Well, that just reinforces my
bad habit that I'm trying to change. So in dealing with changing habits in the past, which
I've worked a lot with in the past, I know for myself personally, if I do that, sit down and
make that list of 100 things that I want to change. I may get through a day and then
that's it. So I know to start with one thing. Yeah. Yeah. So I started with sugar to clean
up my diet and the bad habits that I had fallen into because of this triggering that
happened. Like I'm not going to eat refined sugar. Mm hmm. And I kept telling myself
what I want most is more important than what I want.
[00:17:05] Now, when those urges would come and sitting with uncomfortable feelings
that were coming in and being able to really look at them and analyze them, like what is
causing this? Am I just avoiding what I should be doing to move towards my highest self
and my sabotaging myself?
[00:17:22] Yeah, that's what I love about this. Is that for you that it's cookies. And
cookies just represents everything. But he's just don't seem so scary when you talk
about it.
[00:17:32] So I'll habits now our cookies, habits and flavors of cookies. How about that?
[00:17:37] Yeah, but in the past I worked through some a lot bigger habits. So right now,
cookies might now seem like that big of a deal to some listeners. But if I rewind to my
twenties, my thirties, my comfort was alcohol. And I drank a lot. I drank heavily through
my 20s. I even hate to say this, but I smoked for 10 years and that was a comfort for
me, which led me to that point that I spoke of earlier where I was like, I feel like crap.
That's I might not have had the social motivation to go work out, but I have the
motivation within myself to be happy. I've always felt that drive to find happiness. And
for so long in my life, I looked outside of myself for that happiness, whether it was
through partners or food or alcohol or cigarettes, whatever it was, I wanted to find that
pleasure. I saw pleasure and I avoided pain. That's what you want, right? Until that
pleasure puts you in a spot where you're in a lot of pain. And in fact, at one point I was
suicidal. It was really bad. It was really bad. So I've worked through changing habits.
Some of the most difficult habits in my life or quitting drinking and smoking were really,
really challenging. Although when I dropped coffee next week, I think coffee will might
be more difficult.
[00:18:53] Well, well, well, wait. We might have to have an intervention on your
intervention this year. I think so.
[00:19:00] Good for you. Good. Well, maybe in America. A little bit of coffee is OK, but I
feel like for my sister your this for my system and with where I want to go with my
athletics, I feel like taking coffee out is important. Maybe for most people it wouldn't be.
Yeah. And I'm not going to say that it's for ever OK, because that's one of those that I
really enjoy. But if I want to achieve what I want to achieve in my athletics and with my
body, then that's something that I need to put to the side for a little while.
[00:19:33] Ok, you've made some amazing changes in your life. What advice beyond
what you've given us? I mean, what what advice would you want to really nail home for
people?
[00:19:42] When I look back at my life and what I think was the instigator for all of my
unhealthy choices underlying all of the things that were my insecurities, major, major
insecurities in seeking absolution for those insecurities, I didn't want to feel those things.
So I covered them up with other things alcohol, partying, having fun, you know, through
my 20s and college years and even into my thirties, like just not wanting to feel those
uncomfortable things and feeling those insecurities. So for the listeners, I would say no
matter what you're trying to do, start loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are
right now. A phrase that I really like to use is I accept myself completely, even though I
feel this way, even though I have this insecurity, even though I messed up whatever it
is, what that does is it cultivates. Acceptance, even with that imperfection or that
perceived imperfection, right? Yeah, and it really helps you move through it. There was
a time when I was really focused on loving myself. I was like, okay, I have to love myself
before I do anything right. So I would have these old these old insecurities that were
coming up. And I was like, I just need to love myself. So I would just start saying this
mantra over and over about loving myself.
[00:21:06] I was like, this isn't working. I still have these insecurities. I still have these
feelings that are coming in, these old stories.
[00:21:14] What is going on? And what wasn't happening was that acceptance even
with it? Yes, sometimes these old stories and these old feelings, they might come up for
the rest of your life. You just know what to do with them. And that's what I learned
through that experience, is that it wasn't necessarily that I had to tell myself that I loved
myself and believe it. And then I wasn't going to feel insecurities anymore. Now, the
insecurities would still be there or the thoughts would still be there. I just didn't have to
believe them anymore. Yeah. Yes. Oh, so good. So that is what helps you create
change and transformation in your life. And then you're like, oh, I'm out of that. Like,
limbic, responsive, emotional brain. And I can get to the logic I'm point A in my cross Vitt
journey and I'm doing squats. I don't care if that girl over there is doing 100 pound
squats. I'm going to do my air squats without any way and I'm going to feel good about it
or whatever it is. I'm going to put down this cigarette today and I'm not going to smoke
anymore. For today, I'm just not going to smoke for today because I'm enough right
now.
[00:22:18] And so you start finding solutions for whatever is going on in your life,
whether you're dealing with a divorce or grief or trauma or whatever, it is a starting
point. Where can I start? Yeah, I can start accepting myself, even though whatever
happens or I'm dealing with this feeling so wise.
[00:22:38] I love talking to Amanda. What makes you you have Rogo. I keep going.
[00:22:45] You know, even when I have the setbacks that I have, occasionally I keep
going, take up, pick myself back up, dust myself off. And I keep going forward because
what's the other option? I don't want to live a mediocre life. Oh. Bam. I don't want to live
a mediocre life. I'm in this body for a reason. There is a purpose. I'm supposed to fulfill.
And if I start sinking down that hole of I'm not good enough, I minimize myself. So let's
maximize ourselves. Guilt. Shame. Feeling sorry for yourself. That just all minimizes you
to be a virago. Your maximized, your potentials maximized. You see the endless
possibilities of your life. I mean, I'm fired up.
[00:23:32] I need to go do something. I'm not sure what do right now, but I'm gonna go
to do something somewhere towards the end of the interview.
[00:23:40] And I'm wondering if there's anything you wish I would have asked that that I
didn't.
[00:23:44] Hmm. I have. I have an experience I'd like to share. Oh, please. This
happened last night, actually. Oh, no. So this week my goal was to remove dairy and
gluten hope. So what week one was sugar. Week two is during Goulden. Which
remote? Mostly like lattes, my lattes, milk and coffee.
[00:24:04] We're back to coffee.
[00:24:09] So I was laying in bed last night and I was starting to feel some anxiety. I was
like, I don't know what this is. I'm just laying in bed. I'm feeling my heart pound. Maybe I
was listening to news before bed. Okay. I was I was listening to news before bed. And
of course, with what's going on in the world right now, it's easy to get worked up about.
Yes, but I didn't necessarily feel worked up. But when I laid down to go to bed, my heart
started pounding on my chest. I just started feeling this anxiety in my chest. And my first
inclination was to go make something to eat.
[00:24:38] Oh. It's like, oh, I want to not feel this. So that asking myself, what do I not
want to feel right now? So I got out of bed and I went and sat down on my meditation
cushion. I was like, I'm just gonna feel this. I'm just gonna feel this feeling. I played a
little meditation. Tomalin meditation is a Buddhist meditation where you feel the
suffering. So this nice Buddhist woman led me through this meditation of breathing and
suffering, breathing in the suffering of the world and breathing out piece. I was breathing
in and breathing out. And while I was doing that, I wasn't trying not to feel the anxiety. I
was letting it come to the surface, OK? I was breathing around that anxiety of it. I
usually feel it like a tight feeling in my chest. I just placed my hands over my heart and I
just started feeling like letting things expand. So letting that feeling expand instead of a
fearful, responsive like tightening. Now, I don't want to feel this. What can I go eat?
Make myself not feel this. Just let that feeling expand. As she spoke and it was a recent
recording. So she was talking a lot about the suffering going on in the world or that
seemed really relevant to breathing in the suffering of the world. And then exhaling out
piece. And I started to do that in my own body and the feeling dissolved. I got up and
went lay back in bed and fell asleep. Wow. So we don't want to feel things that are
uncomfortable, but if we can sit with them and let them surface, that's how we clear
them out. Amanda, thank you so much for being here.
[00:26:21] You are one of my wisest, dearest friends, and I am very grateful that you
took time out of your you're very busy schedule. I went and sat down for this interview.
So thank you. Thank you so much. And maybe we can check in with you in a few
months to see how your certification for Crossfade.
[00:26:41] Yes. Thank you, Janice.
[00:26:46]Thank you, my Viragos, for listening to the I Am Virago podcast. Check out new episodes every Tuesday. If you have ideas or suggestions of whom you'd like to hear from on this podcast, go to IAmVirago.com and leave a message. And remember, you are Virago.