In the inaugural episode of the I Am Virago podcast I speak with Cathy Faulkner, former Rock radio DJ, voice talent, and full-time caregiver. We discuss how she juggles the demands for her time, how “the sloppy” gets you through, and embracing the freedom of knowing there is no finish line and you never reach zero.
Originally published on Aug 1, 2018
In the inaugural episode of the I Am Virago podcast I speak with Cathy Faulkner, former Rock radio DJ, voice talent, and full-time caregiver. We discuss how she juggles the demands for her time, how “the sloppy” gets you through, and embracing the freedom of knowing there is no finish line and you never reach zero.
The Happiness Project One-Sentence Journal: A Five-Year Record
Steven Covey: Habit 3: Put First Things First
Janice Lichtenwaldt: [00:00:11] Welcome to the first episode of the I Am Virago podcast.
[00:00:15] I'm Janice Lichtenwaldt, and I'll be your guide to this year-long project featuring amazing women doing brilliant things in the world. We'll hear from business owners, entrepreneurs, a sex coach, a retired general, a shaman, and so many more.
The heart of this podcast is about shedding light on the day to day struggles these women face despite outward appearances and how they navigate them, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. In this podcast, you'll find authentic, open dialogue designed to educate, entertain, and inspire.
Now, fair warning- I could swear like a sailor and encourage my guests to do the same if it serves them so earmuffs for the kiddos. Now on to our first guest, former rock radio personality, kick-ass voice talent, wife, mother, caregiver, Cathy Falkner.
You'll hear why the sloppy gets you through and how she kidnapped a rock star. Please enjoy the I Am Virago podcast.
Cathy Falkner: [00:01:14] I am Cathy Faulkner, and to pay the bills, I am a voice talent and my passion is living my true self, day to day.
JL: [00:01:25] Ah! Well, that sounds like an easy thing to do.
Cathy Falkner: [00:01:28] Nah.
JL: [00:01:30] Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, Cathy?
Cathy Falkner: [00:01:32] Well, I feel like I'm a cat with multiple lives.
[00:01:37] I worked 20 years in the radio field in broadcasting and hosted a nighttime radio show in Seattle. I worked with many of the musicians that people label grunge back in the early stages. So that's one part of my life. I am a full-time caregiver for my husband and other family members due to accidents. That's part of my new hat. And I am a business owner. I own my own voiceover business, providing voice to e-learning tutorials on systems and various commercials and other things that need a voice to just bring it to life.
JL: [00:02:19] Well. And for those of you out there in the Pacific Northwest, you have likely heard Cathy. I remember one day I was at home and had the TV on and I heard her voicing a television commercial, I think, oh, hey, [Katie].
[00:02:33] And then I got in the car and I was listening to the radio and there was Cathy again. And we go, Hey. And then I got to the supermarket, and overhead there was an announcement and there she was again. And I was- I think I said something to the effect of stop haunting me.
Cathy Falkner: [00:02:49] I think you called me, actually, and asked if I was stalking you.
JL: [00:02:54] But what that says to me is that you are rather successful in the work that you do. What do you attribute that to?
Cathy Falkner: [00:03:02] My work ethic. I think it is a huge part about it. I'm a big believer that in the entertainment field you have to be good at business. And most of that is 90 percent outside of the voice studio. So I think I attribute a lot of that to being a hard worker and being organized and having integrity and really priding myself and doing a good job.
JL: [00:03:26] You know, that sounds a lot like what my old volleyball coach used to call Hustle.
Cathy Falkner: [00:03:31] I got hustle.
JL: [00:03:32] You got hustle, girl.
[00:03:35] So. This podcast is about featuring and uplifting women who have the same struggles that everyone else. And just trying to show examples of how people are navigating through the world in their own ways and that nobody's got it entirely figured out. And we all have room to maneuver. And so as part of that, I'd love to hear about a recent professional or personal win that you'd like to talk about.
Cathy Falkner: [00:04:11] Because of my husband's medical issues over the last couple of years. He had a major medical event. And during that time, I had to put my business kind of on life support or just autopilot, just doing the minimum possible. So the personal and professional win is that I am through that process and now able to put some energy back into my business. And this is the first year of business growth that I've had in four years. And that just is really fulfilling to be able to invest in myself and invest in my company, which helps my family. So it's a win-win all the way around.
JL: [00:04:48] Well, congratulations.
Cathy Falkner: [00:04:49] Thank you.
JL: [00:04:50] Was it hard to get back into the swing of things once you'd sort of put the business on the backburner and then, you know, bring it forward again. Did you find that challenging? Did you have to develop new habits?
Cathy Falkner: [00:05:04] Yeah. It was not an easy transition and it is currently not an easy transition simply because I have a pride in my business that I don't want to set an expectation with a client that I cannot fulfill. And when you have the unpredictability of caregiving or caring for someone else's health, there is that unknown. So at a point where I felt that I could carve enough hours out of my day or enough time out of my schedule to give full attention to a new client was when I decided to make that transition. And from there, just making that decision and putting energy towards it, it's taking care of itself at a speed where actually I'm having to keep it from going too fast so that I don't lose what little balance I have in the day to day.
JL: [00:06:04] And that is a great opportunity to have.
Cathy Falkner: [00:06:08] Yes, it is. It is.
JL: [00:06:10] So thank you for the vulnerability. The authenticity that you're showing that it isn't just super easy and that you continue to adjust, it sounds like.
Cathy Falkner: [00:06:23] Yeah. Each day is its own adjustments. Like, I kind of take things in a little, in littler pockets than I used to. I'll share this short story as kind of my inspiration for each day is the first counselor that I ever hired. And it was in my late 20s and early 30s when I had a relationship. It ended suddenly and I walked into this office thinking I just knew everything. And so I went in to hire her to help me learn how to get my task list completed, how to get to a zero, a finish line, a completion. And she just laughed in my face and said, I'm sorry, Cathy. There's no zero. And that was the first time in the last time I saw her I was so mad that there was no zero.
[00:07:14] But I think part of the forgiveness that we as women can do is we juggle a lot of things and to assume that we are not complete until we hit that finish line or zero. We're really doing ourselves a disservice. So I think I wish I could find her again after I fired her. But I owe an apology because I was fighting for a finish line that never arrives. And so the vulnerability that you referred to is kind of my midlife acceptance that there is sloppy that goes with this and ends. That's okay.
JL: [00:07:50] Yeah. Sloppy is absolutely OK.
Cathy Falkner: [00:07:53] Sloppy is OK. I'm getting good at sloppy.
JL: [00:07:58] So since we're moving into sort of this area of challenge, is there a recent professional or personal struggle you'd want to share?
Cathy Falkner: [00:08:11] I would say it's on a personal level, Janice. The personal struggle is probably something many if anybody is listening that's a caregiver in any way. It is learning how to reclaim yourself and be a caregiver. When my husband had his major medical event, he had a stroke which then revealed cancer. And so it was all about sustaining him. And for the short term, that's fine. I'm happy to give that. But to continue on, you still have to hold on to yourself. You can't completely let go of yourself and your friends and your family members to say, well, taking care of yourself is not as easy as it may seem when dealing as a caregiver.
[00:09:02] So the personal struggle has been claiming myself back, which has been a slow and ongoing process, but having some hours in the day that are mine and mine alone and kind of practicing the Stephen Covey trick of putting your most important pieces in place before you let the rest of the world come after you and take up all of your scheduling time.
JL: [00:09:24] If you had to focus on one thing right now, what area would you like to improve in? What are you currently doing about that?
Cathy Falkner: [00:09:34] I would say the one area that I'm practicing, I don't have to know the answer and focusing on the journey rather than the outcome. And with that is the element of forgiveness that when I look at the end of my day, I don't want to focus on what I didn't do or what I could have done better. I want to focus and celebrate what I did do, and how I was mindful in that moment.
JL: [00:10:00] You know, it's a practice. Right? We practice every day. It's- we're never done with this type of work. What are you doing to help remind yourself, to forgive yourself?
Cathy Falkner: [00:10:10] I have a journal. It's called The Happiness Journal. I forget who created it. It's around the Getting to Your Happy book that recently came out. And the journal is not a normal diary like you would normally envision on each page. It has maybe two or three lines. And then underneath it is next year's entry with two or three lines, and it's a five year journal. So on each day, I write the Happy. I write the thing that I'm holding onto as my great moment of the day, or even if it was a crappy day, just that one really nice cup of coffee that I had and the 20 minutes that went with it. Really celebrating those things that feed my soul. And the book is designed so that I can look forward five years and look back five years on those different places in my life and reflect on those moments.
JL: [00:11:06] And it sounds like this requires some discipline on your part to record something every day. Do you find that to be a struggle? Or are you enjoying it so much that it's not a struggle?
Cathy Falkner: [00:11:17] Both a struggle and not a struggle? To be honest with you, Janice. It's in my purse. So it goes with me everywhere. And being a mom of a teenager, I always have those little 10 and 20 minutes between the drop off and pick up. I usually used to write in my happy book, but in all honesty, sometimes I have to refer back a couple days. Like I've missed a couple days this week. And so I looked at my calendar and I did a couple days. And if it gets too far, I think there's a couple blank pages. And I've just gone back and written. Wow. That day must have been busy. How happy that day. So busy.
JL: [00:11:55] Well, it sounds like you. You don't hold this practice so precious that if one day is missed, it's all broken.
Cathy Falkner: [00:12:04] No, I think that's part of the journey. I mean, if we treated life that way, boy, we'd be really hard on ourselves.
JL: [00:12:10] Yeah. And sadly, I think many people do hold themselves that way or the work that they do or the way they engage in the world. And it's exhausting.
Cathy Falkner: [00:12:19] It is exhausting. And I think I know I'm part of the media, so I'm partially to blame. But media and articles and self-help books and suggestions and even things that friends exchange- ideas that we share to help each other grow and try new things. It always is, “Oh, it's so simple. Just do it three days a week, morning, noon and night.” And then I walk away going, “oh, holy crap, how am I going to get that in morning, noon and night on top of all of these other things, plus my supplements, plus my exercise.” And at a certain point, it's like I'm not going to have time for a job alone talking to somebody else. So having a little bit of forgiveness and flexibility and anything that we take on, I think allows us to enjoy the opportunity better.
JL: [00:13:04] I think that is the key right there. Just give it light and air. Give it a little space. It's OK. Yeah. So you just you just say, you know, I'm part of the media and having known you for a while, you know, you have had a very solid career. What advice would you have for young women just starting out in their careers?
Cathy Falkner: [00:13:27] I would have two pieces of advice. The first piece of advice I practiced myself was through courage. When I started in radio, I was told that I couldn't start where I wanted and all the things that I would have to do to earn the right to try. Or how there aren't as many opportunities for women in broadcasting, let alone rock and roll, which is the area of music that I chose. And I just chose not to embrace their No, because there no wasn't my No. This is something that I wanted, so I was gonna find a way. So the first piece of advice that I would have to anybody who's venturing is all you're gonna hear is no. And that just gives you an opportunity to evaluate. Is this something that you really want to go for? And if it is, you will find a way.
[00:14:17] The second piece of advice that I would give is to really think about what's your personal space and what's your professional brand. Really evaluate what's important to you, to keep true to yourself that you don't want to share a boundary that you're not willing to let people cross or let in. And that's-I'm not meaning close yourself off to people, but there are things that are mine, that are only mine, that no one else has the right to have access to. And I have a personal space and I have a professional brand. They may overlap in some areas, but there are some areas that definitely need to be separate. And the earlier you think about it, the better you are able to protect yourself.
JL: [00:15:07] So, Cathy, you were originally in rock radio and a heavy, male dominated space and we worked together for a period of time. And for me, it was very much like a family and I was treated very well. But I also know that there were times where the maleness of the format bled over. And I'm wondering what experiences you had and how you dealt with them.
Cathy Falkner: [00:15:37] I had a multitude of various Me Too stories that each of them I had to weigh, whether at the time they were worth fighting for or not. Many of them I knew were wrong or inappropriate, but there is also a reality of the world that we live in that's sometimes to show the inappropriateness of the behavior would only close the doors to my opportunities. And as painful as that is, that is the reality of the world that I lived in. In places where there were inappropriate conversations or suggestions, I made sure going forward that there was always a witness in the room. That I was not alone in the room with that person. And I-I held true to that for myself. In areas regarding contract negotiations, I remember upsetting a boss tremendously because I refused to sign my contract. It was a new contract and it was with a new company. And so it was a kind of template contract. And I noticed that the gender referred to in the contract was he everything in there was he, he, he, he, he.
[00:16:54] And so I refused to sign it until it was retyped with “she” because I didn't want to fraudulently assume I was a man. And the stir and the anger and I said if I had a penis, I'd be happy to sign it. But I don't. So I won't. And I didn't get a huge raise in that contract. I didn't fight for a lot of diva terms. It was towards the end of my radio career before I transferred over to do voiceovers. So I wasn't fighting for stuff. I just didn't want to sign a contract that said he. It just didn't seem authentic and true.
[00:17:39] And just I was amazed at just the huggabaloo, after 20 years in broadcasting and dealing with various innuendos and flirtations or compromising situations too. A piece of paper could cause such a stir over a word. I just, I found so much humor to it and it kind of lightened all of it for me.
[00:18:00] The biggest thing that I fought for over the years is I worked nights, which meant I left the building alone in the dark after midnight to go into an open parking lot in a shady part of town to get into my car. And I continually advocated for and worked with management to find security ways to protect any woman that would work nights. And I had some successes and I had some failures. But I think through it all, I really tried to be vocal on just awareness. You know, this isn't-this isn't OK or this isn't appropriate.
JL: [00:18:46] Cathy, you were fighting the good fight all the way back in the day. Thank you very much.
Cathy Falkner: [00:18:51] Thank you, Janice.
JL: [00:18:53] So that leads me into you. What makes you a Virago, Cathy Falkner?
Cathy Falkner: [00:19:00] I don't want to give you a long answer. Janice, I'm a badass.
JL: [00:19:04] Yes, you are Cathy Falkner. You are a badass. So given your 20 years in rock radio and what you saw evolve, what is your most favorite story from that time and why?
Cathy Falkner: [00:19:22] God. So many. There's so many. When Pearl Jam was just starting out, they had just released their debut record and they were getting popular a lot faster than people anticipated. The band wanted to do a Thank You concert. And because of their popularity a simple Thank You concert was no longer simple. It became really complicated because people were willing to come from around the world to come to Seattle for this free concert. And they had to postpone the concert that they had scheduled. And there is this press conference. And I remember, watching the band and the lead singer, Eddie Vedder in particular. His face was red and he was being politically diplomatic.
[00:20:14] And the complexity just looked like it was weighing on his shoulders. And it was just it was just hurting me. But, you know, a kind gesture that the band was willing to pay for and the hoops that they were willing to go through, it was just becoming so complex and turning into this big kerfuffle. And so when the press conference was over, I just went up and I asked Eddie if he was okay and he was being nice and everything. And I said well, you know, I have a radio station. Would you like to tell your side of it? And bless his heart, next thing I knew he was in my car and we were driving to the station and I was calling the station to tell the midday -er the afternoon guy that I was going to take over. And Eddie and I were going to go on the radio for a while. And I basically kind of kidnapped him from that press conference.
[00:21:05] What came from that is Eddie couldn't tell his story because it had gotten so big. But what I could do is tell the listeners what they could do. And so the reason I like this story so much, other than I kidnapped a rock star and not many people can say that was I gave my listeners an opportunity to be an advocate. And they crammed the phones of the Seattle mayor and fax machines were jammed for four days. And even the mayor's garbagemen called me to tell us to back off because we got the message. And lo and behold, we had this wonderful, amazing Thank You concert that was free that the band made happen and all the media helped out with in Magnuson Park. And it was just it was advocacy and action and kind of a really quirky story I get to tell my kids someday.
JL: [00:21:58] That just warms the cockles of my heart. MMMMMM. And it shows what can happen when one person sees a need and steps and says, I-I have a unique way I can help this happen and I'm going to do that. I'm going to take that opportunity and do it. It's-had you just sat there and said, well, that's a real shame.
Cathy Falkner: [00:22:22] Right. Or or, gee, somebody needs to do something about that.
JL: [00:22:27] Exactly.
Cathy Falkner: [00:22:28] You know, what's the question that we as humans always ask ourselves if given the opportunity, would I have the courage to stand up when the moments there you're gonna know it and when it's time for you to stand up, you'll know it's time for you to stand up.
JL: [00:22:42] Agreed. All right, Cathy, thank you so much for taking time out of your extremely hectic schedule to do this with me. I really, really appreciate it. And I wish you all the best and have a fabulous day.
Cathy Falkner: [00:22:57] Thank you. It was an honor to be asked. Thank you Janice.
Janice Lichtenwaldt: [00:23:01] Thank you, my Viragos, for listening to the I Am Virago podcast. Check out new episodes every Tuesday. If you have ideas or suggestions of whom you'd like to hear from on this podcast, go to www.IAmVirago.com and leave a message. And remember, you are Virago.