Erin Wilson is an Academic Success coach for students who do not thrive in a traditional learning environment. She works to take the frustration out of learning. We discuss the neuroscience of learning, the executive function of the prefrontal cortex, and how we all need to stop “shoulding” on ourselves.
Originally published Dec 18, 2018
Transcript link (uncorrected machine translation) |
Erin Wilson is an Academic Success coach for students who do not thrive in a traditional learning environment. She works to take the frustration out of learning. We discuss the neuroscience of learning, the executive function of the prefrontal cortex, and how we all need to stop “shoulding” on ourselves.
Welcome back to the I Am Virago podcast, where we get real about the struggle, drop the occasional F-bomb, and hear how amazing Virago women imperfectly navigate the world around them.
[00:00:47] I'm Aaron Wilson to pay the bills. I am a success coach for students, and I
am passionate about taking the frustration out of learning and shifting parents from
managing their children to going back to just enjoying them again.
[00:01:03] That sounds amazing. Well, what really great. So what a success. Coach for
children.
[00:01:11] What does what does that mean? Yeah, so I generally work with children
about third grade and up all the way through college and I work on any of their
executive functions. So that's anything that happens in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.
So the things that we mostly see happening there are time management difficulties,
goal setting. How do you take a large project and break it down into doable chunks and
set manageable goals? How do you keep yourself organized? How do you keep from
losing papers and knowing what to do and scheduling calendars and all of those
pieces? So I think about it as your prefrontal cortex is almost like an air traffic controller
and there's all this stuff happening and they have to make sure that this one lands
safely. And the other ones, you're gonna have to fly around there for a little bit because
we're not quite ready for you and Kay. Now we have a space for you. So now you can
do that and you can manage this part, manage that part and taking all of these skills
that we have naturally and with my students, they tend to either get overwhelmed by
that and shut down or they try to do it all in. Everything kind of gets haphazardly sucked.
[00:02:22] So are all students this way or is this like, you know?
[00:02:26] Yeah. So we find that all humans actually have some sort of executive
functioning deficit, but that part of the brain is the very last part to develop. And so the
current neuroscience is saying that for women, it's about 26 years of age and four
minutes, about 28. And so we find in students that have some sort of disability like
ADHD specifically, that they're generally about three to six years behind their peers.
And so if you're dealing with a 17 year old who has ADHD, some of their executive
functioning skills can make them present as a 13 or 14 year old.
[00:03:01] Oh, interesting. And so the work that you do with these students helps them
navigate this deficit. Yes. Until they catch up with it.
[00:03:12] Yes. And until they get more independent skills, it's almost like a daunting
one to one. So all of those things that you should have learned in school, but didn't you
know how to manage money and how we always tell our students study. Go home and
study, but we don't teach them how to study or how to learn. And so they get all this
information and then they go home and they don't know what to do with it. They get
overwhelmed by it. So how do we create systems that we guess will help you in school
but will also help you beyond that? Interesting. So how how does one learn? So what
we're finding is it's a cycle. And Gretchen Bednar does some really great work around
this. And what she says is that we learn things in a cycle where we take in that
information and then most of the time we spit it back out and move on with our lives. But
what we are missing, there is an assessment step. So after you've taken in that
information, you spit it back out and you assess it and see. Is this correct? Is this not
correct? And if it's not correct, you need to read and code it in a new way, which means
that you learn it in a different medium. And so what we're finding is when students or
people in general manipulate that information in some way, whether that's changing the
way that the notes look or taking a list of notes and moving it into charts or taking a to
do list and putting it into different sections, anytime they're manipulating that
information, it helps the memory to hold on to it more. And so then from there, you can
utilize that information and time can go by. This is called space retrieval. That's where
time goes by. And the test yourself and say, do I still remember that? And if the answer
is yes. And that means it's really stuck in there. Your brain can access it much easier.
[00:04:55] And these are the type of skills that you're helping teach your clients.
[00:04:58] Yes. Hopefully in a much more fun way than a very scientific explanation. I
don't know.
[00:05:02] That sounded pretty fun. But I you know, I'm not twelve years old and wanted
to go outside and play.
[00:05:08] What drew you to this kind of work?
[00:05:10] So I started an education and I had for a long time been a nanny and a
governess for a family where I did their private school tutoring lessons in addition to
child care, and eventually started teaching middle school. And I found that my students
would feel so frustrated with themselves because they didn't know how to learn or they
didn't have tools and systems set up. Or the school that I taught at would give them
planners, but never teach them how to use the planner. So they'd open it up and just
write all their homework down on a list and then forget about it. And so I started doing.
Research on how we learn and how we are successful in that learning. And so I started
working than at community colleges and connecting with students there and helping
them as I kind of refined my coaching, really getting into what systems they need. What
other life things happen that affect the learning. And then as I started building that, I
started having people saying, you do this for my child one on one. And so I left working
in colleges and started my own private practice. Wow. Yeah. I just how rewarding this
must be. It's amazing. And there are definitely days where I feel very frustrated and sad
when my students don't make their goals, but when they make them, it's amazing. And
there's a slam poet named Taylor Mali and he talks about what teachers make. And it's
a riff on how much they make question. But he says, you know, we make a difference.
And he talks about how he can make an A minus feel like a slap in the face and he can
make a C plus feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor. I'm just depending on each
student where they're at. And that is so true for me in my practice. I have one student
who when she came to me, she was getting all these couple F's a C was but her highest
grade. And she's made high honor roll the past two years and her parents are elated.
[00:07:10] But more than that, she is getting this confidence. I can actually do this.
[00:07:14] I'm learning stuff and I'm more capable than I thought I was because
everyone always told me what I couldn't do. And now I'm realizing what I can do. So it's
a really fun time to be in her life.
[00:07:24] And it's great. Oh, easy work.
[00:07:28] That's awesome. So you've got a very successful practice that's going on
right now. Beyond the story you just told us, what's a recent personal or professional
win? You want to want to tell us about?
[00:07:41] Well, I'm a little unorthodox from some of the other coaches that I know. And
one of those ways is, well, I work with children. Most people do not. But the other
academic type coaches that I've connected with across the country mostly do zoom
chats or video chatting, which you can get great results from. But I'd love to be face to
face with my students, and I love to open their binders and pull papers out and say,
what is this doing?
[00:08:08] This is a map that doesn't go into the math section.
[00:08:11] And, you know, like marking up their plans with them. And I had thought
about restructuring my business this past year to doing Zoome because I could take on
more clients that way because I wouldn't have to travel. I travel to my students in a
location that they feel comfortable. So usually it's their home or their school or a local
library someplace that the parents and the student have chosen, because I find that
when they're in an element that's comfortable for them, they're ready to do the learning.
And so I spend a lot of time driving and it's pretty frustrating part of the job. And so I
thought about reworking it. And so I said, what I will do is I will send something out to
my existing clients and I will only take on eight students next year. That's it. So send
something out. And anybody who doesn't sign up for next year, I'm going to fill their spot
with the Zoom's spot and I'm only going to start filling Zoome spots. And I sent it out to
14 families and eleven of them one of their spot back.
[00:09:07] So that made me feel fantastic. And so I had them picked their plan.
[00:09:11] And as I go, Zoom's an option now and it's cheaper than me coming to you.
[00:09:15] And they're like, no, we want the face to face. And so that just really validated
that what I'm doing is working and working for me, despite all of the noise around
building a multi-million dollar business and doing everything online.
[00:09:27] And this is a best practice for coaches because you can get more people in
the door. And for me, I thought, I want to keep the quality really strong set at the
quantity. So that felt really, really great. Very exciting as well.
[00:09:39] And it just goes to show that we define success for ourselves. And you put
forth what was most important for you and you're being rewarded for that. And it sounds
like did you raise your rates as well?
[00:09:53] I did raise my rates a bit, not too much, but a little bit to accommodate for the
driving and decided that I wanted to keep my values front and form. And for that, it is
meeting the students face to face. And so when I worked at a college, I would have
conversations with them about boundaries because I would give students my cell phone
number and people would say, after five o'clock, you're off, you should not be taking
calls from students. But I have literally had students call me from a top of a bridge
saying, you're my last call. And I knew that if I didn't show up on Monday, you would be
upset. So I'm calling you. And I drove and picked him up off the bridge. We went and
got milkshakes and got him connected to mental health services. And for me, just
having that personal connection with them and that relationship is so important. And so I
valued that above all of the other noise, you know, that you hear when you're starting a
business.
[00:10:46] If more people were like you, the world would be a much better place. So
thank you.
[00:10:51] Well, I hate. I hate to do this. It's usually one of my favorite things to do is
pivot a bit. We always pivot on this podcast.
[00:10:59] You struggle because we want people to know that, you know, and
everybody struggles. So is there a recent personal or professional struggle that you
want to talk about?
[00:11:10] Yes, absolutely. I mean, I think that anytime you start your own thing, there's
some self-doubt in there. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right choice?
What if this doesn't pan out? You know, all of those things happen and I hide behind
information gathering as a crutch. And so I'm one of those people who's like, okay, I'm
not quite ready yet, but once I have this certification.
[00:11:34] Ok, well, I need to still read this book. Once I listen to this expert and I invest
in this training program and I because I don't have the guts to just be like, here I am.
[00:11:44] I look, I need a lot of stuff to back me ups that I look competent.
[00:11:49] And then as a friend said to me once, you know, there are people out there
with less experience who are doing the dream job that you want to be doing right now,
probably worse than you would be doing it just because they had the guts to put
themself out there.
[00:12:03] And I thought, OK, yeah, guilty, fine. You see me? I get it. And so I started,
you know, just jumping in the business. But I find that every now and then I get sucked
into an information overload because we have access to so much information and so
many experts.
[00:12:22] And this person wrote a bestseller and now there's a TED talk and
everyone's signing up for this. And you have to follow Marie condos thing and clean
your house. And does it bring you joy? It's like there's just so much to manage that it
becomes overwhelming to me. And I can't just take those things as a suggestion. I take
them all as to DOS. Yeah. And so I find myself feeling burnt out in my work because
there's so many things I need to read and so many things I need to complete.
[00:12:49] And sometimes I just have to say, you know, I am doing okay. My students
seem to like me. All right. Just fine. This book can wait six months. It'll be fine. I'll be OK.
[00:13:01] And so I have a really hard time with in taking too much information on what
to do with it.
[00:13:07] And what it sounds like is you're completely aware that this is a crutch for
you.
[00:13:12] Recently I have been completely aware, OK, because I about ran myself into
the ground in April and I did the typical feminised trade of saying yes to everybody and I
will save them and I will help with this.
[00:13:27] And oh, this family needs my help and they're not a perfect fit, but they've
called three other coaches and they want me, so. OK, fine. And what I found out I was
doing was working 12 to 16 hour days, weekends included, and wasn't sleeping well.
And I just thought, what are all the things I have to do? I'm going to list them all.
[00:13:44] And so I listed them all and I started seeing some of these things were
optional, things like fixing the icons on my Web site. OK, nobody's going to be like
you're a terrible coach because your icons are not perfectly aligned like that can go on
the list of things that I don't need to be stressing out about that I can eventually get to
one of these days.
[00:14:04] Yeah. And so kind of managing that to do list in a more healthy fashion has
been something I've spent the last couple months really focusing on.
[00:14:11] Well, it sounds like well, do you do the same kind of work with your clients
managing it to do it?
[00:14:17] Yes. Yes. And you would think I would have these skills.
[00:14:21] But the other piece is that so key in the coaching I do in all coaching, I think
is that accountability piece. And when you work for yourself, you're not necessarily
accountable to anybody except you. Yep. And so you can say to yourself, like, you have
to do all of this stuff. You can be really a hard boss to yourself or you can be super lax
boss big enough to do any of it.
[00:14:42] Don't even bother sending out the invoices. Don't worry about getting paid.
And then you realize like, oh, I sort of need to pay the mortgage. I should have done
that.
[00:14:49] So not having that external piece can be really challenging. Yeah.
[00:14:53] So. So you're working on better time management. It sounds like in. And
you're privatization. Prioritization. Well, I'm putting yourself first a little bit more than
maybe you have in the past.
[00:15:05] Yes, that's true. The piece of prioritization that's really shifted for me in the
last couple of months is what's important to me versus what's important to industry
experts and what's important to coaching professionals.
[00:15:17] What's important to those people who are on those YouTube ads that say, do
you want to build a million dollar business, double the sales funnel? It's like I had to
build a sales funnel and I need an opt in. Okay. And in optimum, I'm full for the fall. Why
are you building optician's likes dot up.
[00:15:32] Yeah. So that's the. Well congratulations. Well thank you very much.
[00:15:38] So yeah, that's the struggle. Prioritizing things and really getting in line with
my priorities versus what I feel my. Should be, yes. Should I talk to my clients a lot
about the only dirty word my practices should? Yeah, we should on people a lot. Yeah,
it's a shooting on.
[00:15:57] So what advice do you have for young people going into the workforce today,
be it going into coaching or what? Whatever they want to go into.
[00:16:09] Yes, great question, because my students are starting the workforce. A lot of
them ask me about this and I have two main pieces of information that I give them. The
first one is use your resources. If you know somebody who knows somebody,
absolutely be willing to let you sit down with them for five minutes. I mean, that's a very
low stakes. It's not like you're asking them for a job, but do an informational interview.
What is it you do? How do you like it? How long have you been doing? How did you get
into this work? Volunteer, volunteer and try different things for me. I was the type of kid
that my parents were very, very poor and quite neglectful. And I always wanted to go to
summer camp as a kid. That was my dream. But they couldn't afford to send me. So as
an adult, the first thing I did was volunteered at summer camp and was like, this is so
great.
[00:16:55] I get to do all the crafts and I get to sing the songs and I basically get to be a
camper for free. This is awesome.
[00:17:02] And there were other things I did, you know, short part time jobs that I picked
up. I thought this would be a really great experience and realized that's not for me and
that's OK. And so really utilizing all of those resources you have. And the second one is
advocate for yourself. I have so many students who will say things to me like, well,
they're not hiring.
[00:17:19] Well, how do you know? They know how to sign on the door. What, did you
talk to anybody? No. Well, did you go tell them that you're really looking for something
and here's a resume anyway and call you? No, I didn't think to do that.
[00:17:28] So this advocating peace. I think that we have sort of lost the hustle.
[00:17:33] Yeah. And so now it's this sort of well, if they need my help, they'll ask me or
I turned in an application. Okay. Did you follow up? Well, no, I don't want to bother
them. Like, you need a job. You need to bother them. And a part of that comes from
when my dad was young, Hugh, at the age of 27, had four kids, an ex-wife and a new
wife. So he was a very busy man. And he told me this story about how they were doing
a hiring expo at work for the Postal Service, and he really needed the job. So was a
government job with benefits. And he had kids and they were opening it up at like seven
o'clock and he showed up there at five thirty and he said I wanted to be first in line. And
so I had my resumé ready. And I showed up there and I was dressed the part. And I
guess a man came in to the office. I was like, Oh, you're here early. And he's like, I'm
just here for the job hiring thing. And he said, well, doesn't start tell 7:00. You know, you
can leave and come back. My dad was like, no, I want to make sure I'm first in line. This
is really important to me. And the guys will actually I'm a hiring manager. You want to
come and have a cup coffee with me? And my dad was like, sure. And so they sat
down, had a cup of coffee. And before the hiring had even started, my dad had the job.
And so he told us, you know, you always you have to make your own luck. Shamanism
says if there's not a spy at the table, grab a chair. Right.
[00:18:43] I mean, that's what you need to do. And I think that advocating for
themselves is something that especially young people need to really take under their
control and make opportunity happen for themselves.
[00:18:53] I feel inspired right now. I got to grab myself somewhat. I don't know where.
But watch out, world advocate. Yeah, exactly. Go.
[00:19:03] So, Erin, what what makes you virago?
[00:19:06] I think what makes me a virago is I'm tired and I'm tired of settling and I'm
tired of being told I'm too much for people.
[00:19:22] I had a job. I kid you not. They pulled me into the office and said, if there's
anywhere else that you can spread joy at home or whatever, do it there because the
workplaces in a place for joy and fun.
[00:19:34] And I just thought, you are not my people. I'm tired. I'm tired of being told,
you know, you need to be quieter. You need to know your place. You need to. I'm just
tired of it. And so I just decided one day that I was done with that. And I have every right
to have that same space at the table or I have every right to get a job that I want to get
or see what I'm thinking.
[00:20:02] And if the people that I say it too aren't receptive, then they're not my people.
And that's OK. Like, I don't need to please all the tribes. I just need to please my tribe.
Find my tribe. Yeah. Completely me. And then hang with those people because those
are the people that get me and they're gonna support me and love me. And here's an
example. I work with middle schoolers and sometimes I will say a swear word.
[00:20:24] I know what I know is probably the first one they've ever heard of middle
school a lot.
[00:20:28] But, you know, sometimes peop other coaches will say, oh, you should never
do that. You need to set an adult example with your clients. And I said, yeah, but my
clients are swearing in front of me and I need that relate ability. This is what I said the
most to them. That's a swear is I'll say, are you gonna bust ass on this or not? Like,
what's the deal? And. Like, yes or no, no. Hey, remember, you promised. And so that's
a phrase that I use with them quite a bit. And it has more of a punch and saying, do you
promise that you'll work hard? And so the kids who I said, do they know what it means?
They get it. And like, yes, I know they're not so put off by the swearword that they lose
the meaning.
[00:21:03] Yeah. And so, yeah, I just kind of became sick and tired of everyone telling
me to tone it down. Why are you so hyper? Why you talk so much. Why are you so
going.
[00:21:14] Oh my gosh. You're talking to the waiter. That's so embarrassing. I mean, I'm
the type of person who if I'm in line at the grocery store and the person is like, how's
your day?
[00:21:23] I'll go, great. How's yours? Fine. Yeah. What are you doing today? Afterward.
[00:21:28] I put him on the spot because I just like building really genuine connections.
And for some people that's uncomfortable and that's that's OK. But that's just not me.
[00:21:37] Well, you are definitely virago, and I would like to be a part of your tribe.
[00:21:43] Yeah, you are. You're in.
[00:21:46] So we're coming to the end. And this has been so delightful. Thank you so
much.
[00:21:51] Yeah. Thanks for having me. What question do you wish I would have asked
that I didn't?
[00:21:57] I think the question that fires me up the most is why do I do what I do? Oh,
less about the mechanics of how and why. And the reality is, I work with kids who are
constantly being judged by their parents, by their teachers, by doctors, by society.
Millennials are lazy. Gen Zipper's they're just connected to their phones. And it's so fun
to get to connect with them and get to instill in them a sense of purpose and
independence and individuality and cultivate in them some fun and some growth around
things that they're interested in.
[00:22:41] One of the questions I always ask my students is I want you to teach me
something that I don't know anything about. And through that, I've learned about anime
and video games and how to make the perfect free shot and all different things that I
wouldn't have known otherwise. But when you ask youth specifically what they're
interested in and just listen and be non-judgemental about it, it's amazing. Made us light
up and they talk and they start going. And that, to me, is the absolute best feeling when
they leave their grade.
[00:23:08] This was so fun. Yay! That's what coaching is supposed to be.
[00:23:13] And so that's why I do what I do. Fantastic. Thank you very, very much. And
if anyone. So you're booked up for the fall. You said what if what if there are parents out
there who've heard this and like, oh, I didn't know that was available for my my kids. Is
there a resource out there that they can go to?
[00:23:32] There are a couple of us academic coaches that have practices and we
connect. I recommend that they shoot me an email because what I would do is learn
more about them and their child and what works best and then connect them to a coach
that I personally know because some coaches are really great at different things. Got it.
Different age levels. Or if they're open to doing zoom, you know, there's some that are
fantastic coaches, but they only do online coaching. So kind of talking to the parent,
figure out what their best needs and then connecting them to a resource. Well, if you
could give us your email address right now. Sure. It's. If you just go to the Web site, it's
Seattle's success coaching dot com.
[00:24:12] Excellent. And we'll have that in the podcast notes for this podcast as well.
So, Aaron, thank you again very much. And I look forward to being a member of your
tribe. Yeah. Talk to you soon. Bye.
[00:24:27] Thank you, my Viragos, for listening to the I Am Virago podcast. Check out new episodes every Tuesday. If you have ideas or suggestions of whom you'd like to hear from on this podcast, go to IAmVirago.com and leave a message. And remember, you are Virago.