Kaitlyn Lyons had an awakening. She realized she was playing life small and it was slowly killing her. So what does a super successful high-achieving lady do? She throws a grenade into the middle of her life and blows it to smithereens. Hear how she left her job, her marriage, and even the country to find out who she is really supposed to be. It is messy, it is scary, and it is completely beautiful.
Originally published Jan 8, 2019
Transcript link (uncorrected machine translation)
Kaitlyn Lyons had an awakening. She realized she was playing life small and it was slowly killing her. So what does a super successful high-achieving lady do? She throws a grenade into the middle of her life and blows it to smithereens. Hear how she left her job, her marriage, and even the country to find out who she is really supposed to be. It is messy, it is scary, and it is completely beautiful.
[00:00:09] Welcome back to the I Am Virago podcast, where we get real about the struggle, drop the occasional F-bomb, and hear how amazing Virago women imperfectly navigate the world around them.
Continuing our theme of new beginnings in
January. Today, we hear from Kaitlyn Lyons, a woman who threw a grenade into the
middle of her life two years ago. She left her marriage, her well-paying corporate job
and even the country in pursuit of her most authentic self. She gives advice to those
who feel wholly stuck and wants everyone to experience the power of plants. So grab
that cup of ambition and let's get started.
[00:00:45] My name is Kaitlyn and I pay the bills as a life and leadership coach. Kind of.
Right now, what I want to add here, and that's an important part of my story, is I'm still
building my practice and in part how I pay the bills if I'm living off the savings from my
corporate job. And my passion is bringing people to full consciousness and living fully
alive, particularly through play and movement and being in body.
[00:01:14] There are so many directions we could go right now. This is going to be
good. You see, I want to hear about it all. But for right now, could we talk a little bit
about your living off your savings from your corporate job? What's going on?
[00:01:29] Yes. So I left my Nordström job a little over a year ago, and that was long in
the making. So when I when I left, it was time to go for sure. And one of the reasons
that I'm really glad I stayed as long as I did, or kind of one of the upsides is I was able to
save money to put towards giving me a runway into my next venture. And I think it's just
really important to call out to people who are starting a new career or vocation. The
reality of you're not going to be matching your income out of the gate. But for me, the
significance is I thought 2018 was going to be a year. I was going to roll right out of my
corporate job and into coaching full time and have a full time practice. And what it
turned out was 2018 needed to be a year. That was not about financial abundance for
me. There was a huge spiritual debt in my life and I needed to work on spiritual
abundance. So that's what I chose to do in the year 2018.
[00:02:30] What does what does spiritual abundance mean?
[00:02:35] Spiritual abundance. It's about looking inward. It's about being with yourself.
It's about being in connection with other people. It's about being able to be present. For
me, it was very much about taking rest and sabbatical time and getting quiet and still
and getting to know myself.
[00:02:55] And just really just allocating my time differently than I had been for my entire
adult life.
[00:03:01] Well, you said something there about a sabbatical. What what do you mean
by sabbatical?
[00:03:05] Well, I took what I kind of call a dramatical dramatical, OK, because it was a
sabbatical that was not terribly well planned out and that I launched into from a space of
a lot of turmoil and drama in my life. I mean, I think usually we think about sabbaticals
as being something people do take time off from their profession, use it as a time to
write or do other things right. And my sabbatical time, as I'm calling it, was really about
taking myself out of my life as I knew it and giving myself a clean slate and a space to
be in and really get to know myself and to know what was true for me. And the major
goal of my sabbatical time was to get away from my life, to get quiet, to listen for what
my heart wanted to tell me, and to really redesign and reinvent my life fearlessly. When
I came back from it.
[00:04:03] So, you know, we've chatted a little before this interview. And so I know a
little bit about the sabbatical dramatical sabbatical. I didn't know you called it. That's
amazing.
[00:04:14] And it is my understanding that many of us take these sabbaticals and these
these rest points in life because we're forced into it. And in your sleep X choice, your
company wanted to keep you around, but you made the choice to do this. It wasn't that
your job was eliminated or there was a layoff. You chose to walk away from a really
juicy corporate gig.
[00:04:38] I did. I actually was not technically eligible. Search for sabbatical. Yeah. I'd
been there for almost eight years and needed to hit the 10 year mark to actually get it.
So I actually took a leave of absence. So it was unpaid. And yeah, my health was
actually really poor. So I technically took a medical leave of absence from my job to take
that time. Rest time off.
[00:05:02] And what did you do?
[00:05:03] I booked a one way ticket to Europe and I went over there without a plan or
really much of a place to stay beyond the first week. And I resolved to be with myself
and to just learn to live differently. That was the goal. Like redesign my life, be with
myself. I was so burned out. So for me, it was actually just about simply being. I didn't
actually do very much, even though I could have the choice of Europe was actually
because of the distance and the disconnect and because I had spent time there
previously and I speak French and Italian. So in a way, it felt like a home. It felt familiar
to me while allowing me to completely disconnect and unplug from my life.
[00:05:48] And how long were you ultimately gone?
[00:05:50] I intended to be gone for six weeks, and then I was there for about 10.
[00:05:56] Wow. So what what lessons did you learn while you were away?
[00:06:00] Well, one, I'm just a huge advocate for people to take these times in their life.
For me, it was a huge. Aha. Of how important taking a step out of our lives is. So that
was huge for me. And I want to be an advocate for people doing that, even in small
ways, because for me, I started to take a kind of mini rest periods well before I ever got
on a plane and went. So I want to help people capture the spirit of that in their own lives.
But for me, it was very simple things. I learned what I liked and disliked. One of my
major hobbies was, wow, I really like sunny weather because I see I was just making up
where I was going as I was over there. I didn't have a planned itinerary and I noticed,
wow, I ended up spending most of my time in the Mediterranean at the beach. So that's
on studio. Maybe I should move to the beach and a Mediterranean climate. I learned
what's great about me that has nothing to do with my productive output at a job. I
learned to love myself and I and I took care of my body. I realized how important it was
for me to treat my body as a partner in my journey rather than as a machine. I really
before that trip, I was like, oh, my body's just like a car. I got to keep it serviced and
fueled and whatever. But now I treat my body like a real living, breathing thing and I
treat it with great respect. I mean, the learnings are endless for me. But those were
some of the really big ones. And I realized that I actually needed to make some big
changes in my life. That was the other really obvious truth that came to me during that
time. Like, oh, yeah, it's really time to leave my job. Time to leave where I live. It's time
to leave my marriage.
[00:07:47] So there were some big wait. You left your job. You left the city you live in
and you left your marriage. I did.
[00:07:58] I did do that in the space of about a month, maybe five weeks when I after I
came back.
[00:08:03] What's that like?
[00:08:06] Relieving and terrifying all at once? I mean, that is the full spectrum of
emotion. I still am not really sure how I managed to do it, but I know that it came from
creating deep trust in myself and just getting to my own kind of what the fuck moment
with myself, like, oh my God, I'm so tired of being driven by external demands and what
other people want from me. I hit the point of resistance, right? It was like I am a shell of
myself. And even though taking those outward courageous actions was really hard.
Anything less than that felt like huge self betrayal.
[00:08:50] Wow. Where did you find the courage to basically threw a grenade in the
middle of your life?
[00:08:57] Well, I think there were multiple factors that played into it. One, I had multiple
incredible support systems. So I had a therapist. I had a coach. I had incredible friends
and family in my life. And I really leaned on them and leaned into them and asked for
learned to ask for help. So courage to me. I like Bernie Browne's definition of courage.
And it has something to do with breaking down the word courage. It's actually from the
French and Latin word heart, Kurr.
[00:09:30] And so it's like courage. If if courage is literally I think it's really just speaking
the truth of your heart.
[00:09:38] Right. Like being honest enough with yourself to seek the courage. The truth
of your heart. I was just ready to speak the truth in my heart. I went inward so long that
it didn't actually seem that hard when it came down to doing all these things. I was like,
well, what else would I do? So it was really just staying with myself. Long enough being
with me for not abandoning myself.
[00:10:03] So this was how long ago that I exited job marriage house? Yeah, just about
one year ago.
[00:10:12] So it's been a years since you pulled the pin on the grenade. And where do
you find yourself today?
[00:10:19] Yeah, it's really fun to think about where I am now vs. a year ago while I
moved. I am in sunny Southern California in Laguna Beach.
[00:10:28] Oh, Wade. A Mediterranean climate on a city training climate. Nice. Okay,
thanks. European dramatical. OK. All right. So you moved? I moved.
[00:10:44] I am in a new relationship with an incredible partner. I have partnership. In a
way I was longing for for so, so long. And I am beginning to really imagine what's next in
my coaching practice. And sometime in the month of January, I'm going to launch group
play coaching project. And just inviting women in to a group play challenge and coach
them through it. So there's like there's so many good things happening on the other side
of all of this. I just I feel like I'm in my right space. My physical space, my heart space,
my relationship space, my vocation, space. And it took a hell of a lot of work to get here,
but it just feels good. I live I am living a life that feels good to me to live in.
[00:11:33] Congratulations, you. Congratulations. I am curious about the play coaching.
[00:11:40] Play coaching. So about a year and a half ago, this was shortly before my
departure for Europe. I did a little experiment for myself. I created something I called the
play challenge. And I'm very into habits and how I'm really curious about how people
develop new habits and break old habits. So I decided that I wanted to have more fun
and play in my life. So I created a play challenge to play every day for 30 days and to
share my learnings with people on Facebook. So every day I posted whatever I was
doing and it completely transformed my life. I mean, it just woke me up to so much and
created so much consciousness for me and awareness. And I want to share it with
others. So I play coaching. It's really about it's really rooted in my belief that as adult
humans, not playing to me is as bad as having, like, malnutrition or being or having
some physical ailments. I think the absence of play creates does a lot to affect our well-
being. And I really want to get people well.
[00:12:50] And when you talk about a play challenge, we talking I have to go join a rec
league and play volleyball or. What's a couple examples?
[00:12:58] I think what's important about play is to understand that it's different for every
person. And so a big part of my own exploration and discovery was learning what
actually is and is in play for me. So I experimented with a lot of different things and I
noticed, wow, I'm I'm really a kinesthetic player like something that I was like. I didn't
really feel in a flow state like you should with play. And there were other things that just
made me lose all sense of time and really made me feel alive and energized. And so it
was noticing, oh, when I'm moving, when I'm in movement. That's my version of play
people. It can be very intellectual. It can be very quiet. So for me, it's really inviting
people into a learning lab of play. People want to like me. I mean, this was my
experience. I want to have more fun. I want to play more. But I don't know what to do.
And then you get stuck and then you don't have the desired feeling. And so what I want
to do is help create the conditions for people to stay in the inquiry of what brings my
heart, joy and aliveness and energy. And it's not the same for everybody. Yeah, some
people might want to go join a volleyball league. Some people might want to sit and
draw. Some people might want to like, do Stand-Up comedy or take so many forms.
[00:14:20] So you're you're starting this in February? Yes. And if people wanted to find
out more, what should they do?
[00:14:28] They should send me an e-mail or find me on social media.
[00:14:32] Ok. And for those listening, we'll have the information in the podcast at the
end in the note so we can do that. I'd like to ask you. So you've been doing a lot of work
in this past year. What is a recent professional or personal win that you'd like to really
highlight?
[00:14:51] I mean, I feel like I have immense gratitude. I feel like I have so much to
celebrate. I think. The bottom line is living a self authored life, really, and I think the
memory that's coming to mind right now is it's really both a personal and a professional
win is I was at Sea Tsai's leadership retreat about a month ago, and I think it was really
accepting, seeing how I'm going to lead in the world and the impact I'm going to create.
I met my best when I'm playful, charming, sassy, moving and straight and just sharing
that with people. That to me is a huge win because I feel like I'm finally at home. I feel
like I'm finally at home in my body and my heart and my mind. And I'm really excited
about what's next.
[00:15:44] That sounds like a nice, big, warm blanket.
[00:15:49] It is a nice warm blanket.
[00:15:51] So let's just rip that blanket off and talk about a recent struggle. Professional,
personal. Whatever floats your boat right now.
[00:16:00] 2013 was hard in many ways because I had to go so internal. So I think it
was a real struggle for me to put career ambitions on hold and take care of myself and
my life. So I you know, it was a huge struggle to let go of that and accept that it's just not
the right time. And part of my decision to do that is because I was going through a
divorce and just a lot of transition overall. So transition can be hard. And as a culture,
we don't do a good job holding people through it. So, yeah, it was it was a struggle to
experience my own transition and the amount of time, just the sheer amount of time it
takes to really as a human being go through it. I mean, it's not like flipping a switch. I
mean, I think that that's how we expect people to do it sometimes. But it takes a long
time and a lot of hard work.
[00:16:57] So usually at this point, I ask guests to talk about any advice I'd have for
young women. And in this case, I'd like to ask you, what advice do you have for women
who feel so deeply stuck and that they have no options?
[00:17:16] I think what's really important when you're stuck is to remove yourself from
whatever doesn't feel good or right and just be with yourself without any books. Movies
like No Distractions, just sit with yourself. So good at it. I think that's the big thing. And
and find people.
[00:17:35] I think the other piece is find people who love you just as you are and that
you feel good to be around and and ask them, make reclass. Ask them for what help.
[00:17:48] You need some wise words. So Caitlin, what makes you a virago?
[00:17:56] Having the courage to pause on my life and really consider what I want to
create with it. And in my case, being willing to live unconventionally and make choices
that think to the outside world did not look normal. And just having the courage to own it
as mine. I think that takes a fair amount of bad assets, though.
[00:18:23] Absolutely. So we're towards the end. And so what question do you wish I
would have asked that I didn't?
[00:18:31] Well, what comes to mind is as I'm leaning into my vocation as coach, like I
get coached. What's important about coaching?
[00:18:42] Caitlin? What's important about coaching?
[00:18:44] What's important about coaching is that you have a person in your life who's
going to hold you. You're totally objectively and differently. It's a kind of holding you'd
never experience in any other kind of relationship. And if someone who's going to allow
you to really get out of whatever stuck you are in and hold up a mirror to your very best
qualities and allow you to move forward with ease and flow in your life and get to know
yourself in a very true and authentic way. Yeah, it's really a partner in overcoming all the
stock and resistance that's inevitable as humans. So it really takes it takes a lot to
overcome that. And the coach's job is to partner with you in that.
[00:19:36] Really? Like, I like your metaphor of being a grenade, actually. Like, I think to
a certain extent, like a coach should be a grenade. They should be getting in there and
shaking things up for people and shaking them awake.
[00:19:48] Ok. All right. Well, there you have it from Caitlin Leadership Granade Caitlin.
[00:19:57] So much for sharing your story. You know, I've watched you over the last
couple of years going through this transition and the amount of courage that you have
displayed and also vulnerability has been amazing to watch. And I'm really proud of the
work that you've done and and where you've where you've landed. So congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you for this time.
[00:20:27] Thank you, my Viragos, for listening to the I Am Virago podcast. Check out new episodes every Tuesday. If you have ideas or suggestions of whom you'd like to hear from on this podcast, go to IAmVirago.com and leave a message. And remember, you are Virago.