Shea Harty is a no B.S. kind of lady. She is an American ex-pat living in Amsterdam, raising four children, while at the same time running her consulting company, and founding a non-profit, Empower Amsterdam, to help non-Dutch residents find work in Holland. How did she get to this place? By learning exactly who she is and remembering to be that person day in and day out.
Originally published Dec 24, 2018
Transcript link (uncorrected machine translation)
Shea Harty is a no B.S. kind of lady. She is an American ex-pat living in Amsterdam, raising four children, while at the same time running her consulting company, and founding a non-profit, Empower Amsterdam, to help non-Dutch residents find work in Holland. How did she get to this place? By learning exactly who she is and remembering to be that person day in and day out.
[00:00:09] Welcome back to the I Am Virago podcast, where we get real about the struggle, drop the occasional F-bomb, and hear how amazing Virago women imperfectly navigate the world around them.
[00:00:20] Today's guest, Shea Harty, was one of my fabulous partners at the Women
in Tech Regatta in Amsterdam. She is an American married to a Dutchman living in
Amsterdam, raising four children while at the same time founded a non-profit Empower
Amsterdam and works as a company culture consultant. Hear how she navigates her
world and why it is critical for your success to be exactly who you are from the
beginning.
[00:00:48] So grab that cup of ambition and let's get started.
[00:00:53] Hi, everybody, we are live here at the WIT Brigada. That's the women in
Tech Regatta in Amsterdam. And I am very honored to have Shea Hardy on the
podcast today. And Shane, can you introduce yourself? I'm Shea Harty.
[00:01:08] And to pay the bills, I am a company culture consultant for small and medium
sized businesses. And what are you passionate about? I'm very passionate about the
work cycle. The work cycle. What's the work cycle? Well, the work cycle for me is every
thing that an employee or a business owner goes through.
[00:01:26] So that's everything from unemployment to employer branding to onboarding
to your experience within the company to off boarding and the transition to either being
a business owner or starting a new career.
[00:01:45] The whole work cycle. Oh, that's so interesting. And how do you put that into
practice? So I have a nonprofit called Empower MSM and that specifically focuses on
unemployed people who don't speak Dutch. Okay. That are professionals and they live
in the Netherlands and we provide them with free coaching and free workshops,
because at the point when you're unemployed, even if you have savings, the idea of
spending anything on yourself, even if it's to improve your situation, is really hard. So we
provide three to five free sessions and just to get them out of that mindset of being
stuck. Okay. Yeah. But my bigger passion around that is that I just don't think anyone
should feel ashamed of being unemployed. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Yet
another chapter in a very, very long book of many, many, many chapters.
[00:02:40] Yeah. Yeah. So in this podcast, we we talk about professional successes and
struggles. But let's start out with success. Is there a professional or personal success
that you've had recently that you'd like to share?
[00:02:54] I guess. This year I've made a huge transition in my career, my professional
career in terms of who I am as a business. And I find this to be a success because it's
been a really painful journey.
[00:03:08] Oh, do tell.
[00:03:09] Many ups and downs. And I feel like this is this is finally I know who I am now
and I know what I'm doing now and I know who I want to talk to and I know what I want
to say. And if you're a business owner, it takes many trials and turns and twists.
[00:03:26] How do you get there? How did you what work did you do to get yourself to
this point?
[00:03:31] I had coaches. I'm a strong believer in the coach and having a good coach.
And I also feel that you have different coaches for different stages, for different chapters
in your life. So I've been in contact with really, really good coaches who kind of just kept
pushing my boundaries, which I love. And I hate it, but I love it. I love to be challenged
and I love to grow. I don't love the process of growing. I love how I feel after it. You
know, it's like working out. Yeah. Going to the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be in
the gym. Yeah. But I love how I feel after. Yeah.
[00:04:07] Yeah, absolutely. So I'm just curious how are you. Come to Amsterdam from
New York.
[00:04:15] I don't know if it's fortunate or unfortunate, but if you come over with a partner
and they have an expat contract and that's what I did. I have my ex partner. He came
over with Nike and we were together. So you can bring over your partner spouse. And I
think it's still the case in the Netherlands. You can come as a spouse and also get a
work permit. Oh, okay. So we have a child together and we came up together thinking
that you're going to change our lives. And we did it completely changed our lives. So it
came over through Nike. But he left and I stayed with the Dutch American Friendship
Treaty. The draft. Oh, tell me more. So the draft is a really great situation where
Americans and Dutch people from either country can go to the other country. You have
Dutch people can go to America, Americans can come to the Netherlands, and for a
year they can be business owners. Oh, you. The requirements are basically showing
that you can pay for your own bills. So they require that you have at least at a minimum,
five thousand euros in your account. So you can renew this once a year and there is
some administrative fees setting it up. I think those costs somewhere around eight
hundred, something like that, may and may have changed now, but the time got to stay.
And then I met this wonderful guy, Dutch man, and we got married and we had more
baby, more babies. So how many babies do you have together? We have four
altogether. Wow. How is it to raise a family in Holland? It's wonderful. Is the best thing
for the kids. I don't know about the parents, but it's the best thing. And what's what's
good about it? Independence. Oh, they get to be more independent. It's much safer.
[00:06:06] By the time you're eight or nine, you're traveling to and from school and doing
everything on your own. There's very little to no helicopter parenting here. I go out with
my child and I don't see him for a while. I'm not worried he'll show up.
[00:06:24] So listeners of the podcast know that we like to take it low because, you
know, it's so much fun.
[00:06:31] Is there a professional or personal struggle you've been dealing with that
you'd want to share?
[00:06:36] I spent a year working on a business with a friend's ex colleague, and that
didn't work out. So that was quite painful. I know. I actually even though it was painful, it
was the best thing that ever happened. I learned so much time. What did you learn? I
learned who I was and who I was. I learned that even in a partnership, there is
compromise and then there is giving too much of yourself. Everyone should have a
boundary where they say, I'm now no longer me and I'm just bending over to
accommodate the way you are. And even if you're not asked because you didn't ask me
to.
[00:07:14] You did it because you thought you needed to. Exactly. And what do you
think would have happened if you would have stood solid in in your shoes? I did. At the
end. At the end. Yeah.
[00:07:25] Well, if you act a certain way for more than a year and then all of a sudden
the real you. Comes out bunny ears you comes out then it's quite shocking. It's like,
well, do I want to work with this person?
[00:07:38] So what I'm hearing you say is that it's important to have that self-awareness,
know who you are and be who you are from the beginning. Yes. And not put on airs or
pretend from the beginning, because you got to know, especially in a partnership, you
got to know who you're working with.
[00:07:52] And I don't think either of us when we say, I don't think I went in thinking I
was pretending. Right. But I think that I wanted it to work so badly that I adjusted. And I
like it. It's well, it's fine. It's still me. I'm still doing what I love. It doesn't quite feel right,
but it's OK. Change is good. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
[00:08:13] Well, it sounds like you have learned from this situation. And like you said, I
mean, even though it was painful. You've learned something. So what are you going to
take for?
[00:08:21] Yeah. So I first I thought, well, I'm never gonna do a partnership again. I'm a
solo chick. This is it. But what I've learned is I can have partnerships. I need to be
myself from the beginning, and I need to be very clear about what I want and who I am.
So that people who who I can partner with can also be who they are and they can bring
their true selves to the table. And all of us can benefit from it.
[00:08:46] Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So what advice might you give to young women
starting out in their careers?
[00:08:57] So I do personal brand coaching as well, and they help. I'm helping quite a
few young woman with starting off with their business. And we talk a lot about branding
and knowing who you are. And what do you want to say about who you are? You don't
have to say everything. No one needs to know all your dirty secrets.
[00:09:17] But not only that, but as a business, remember that there is a chunk of the
work that you're not going get paid off. But is highly important that your administration
and your financing. And it takes time. And to make sure that you block off one day per I
always say per week. So it doesn't back up. But even if it's one day every other week,
that is purely for you to do your marketing, your administration, your receipts, your just
get down into all the things that you don't like doing. Just get it off the plate so you can
go back to doing the stuff you really like to do.
[00:09:50] But making space for that administrative stuff, because if it spirals out of
control, you know, you're in a world of hurt.
[00:09:56] And I was you know, when I first started, I was like, oh, yeah, I don't really
like doing that. How does wait. Oh, wait a little bit. Oh, no problem. Oh, wait a little bit
longer. And then it would get so big that I didn't want to do it that I would just have panic
attacks. Yeah. So much. It's so big. Yeah. And then you sometimes don't do it. You get
so overwhelmed that you don't do anything.
[00:10:18] Yeah. Absolutely. Yes. So in the space that we're in, it's a rather large space
for those listening. And the lights just went off on us. So we're sitting sort of in the dark.
But it seems it seems like we're safe. So we'll keep going, if that's OK with you. It's fine
with me. OK. Fantastic. So you live in Amsterdam. How long have you lived here?
[00:10:39] Thirteen years. Thirteen years. Do you miss the US at all? Absolutely. But
when I miss more is just family. Friends. But I go back at least once a year. I try to. Back
more often, but even when I go back, I think it's not the same anymore. It's different. I'm
different. They're different. We change and grow. Do you think you'll stay in Amsterdam
for what I've been trying to do?
[00:11:05] When I'm trying to do currently is to build my business so I can be in both
countries. Eventually, my oldest my oldest, one of my sons is 16 and he will be going to
America for school. And I would like to move a little bit closer. My parents are getting
older. They don't like to hear that.
[00:11:24] I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. Right.
[00:11:29] But is the truth. And I want to be over there. I want to be closer. I want to
spend more time there. So probably in the next three to four years, if I can build up
some clientele and some business, I can start transitioning over. What is your favorite
thing about living in Amsterdam? Yes, a few things. OK. So I think my favorite thing
would be the international community. Mm hmm. I think one of the most interesting
things I've learned and the thing that I do love the most is that the people I meet, I would
probably never have been friends with them or met them. Mm hmm. And yet when we
meet in this space, it's like we're soul sisters. Yeah. It's like it's like your mother did that,
too. Oh, my God. You did that, too, when you were. I mean, so many commonalities, so
many. You begin to realize that we're all more alike than we are different and that we all
have parents. And we all went through the teen years and we went to school or didn't go
to school and we grew up. And that is actually quite beautiful because I my friendship
circle is much more vast and deep and it's a deeper connection.
[00:12:42] That's very nice. So we're coming towards the end of the podcast. And I like
to ask, what question didn't I ask that you wish I would have maybe more about how I
got here now, I guess. OK, great. So, Shay, how did you get here? So it all started.
[00:13:09] Well, I became a contractor in around 2009 and I basically that journey from
employee to business owner is a big. Oh, tell me that mindset change. Yeah. And
anyone who's done this, they know this. If you go immediately from employee to
business owner, there is a transition period of where you still think you're an employee
waiting for someone to tell you what to do. Yeah. So I started off as a contractor and I
thought, oh, this is it. This is me working for myself. I contract for 40 hours a week. I
come and sit in my boss's office. I didn't even have the depth to call them a client yet. I
was like my manager. Yeah. And I would sit there for 40 hours a week. I had to do what
they told me to do and, you know, bring my creative ideas and the things I know. And
then I get to go home.
[00:14:02] And around 2015, it was after I had my last child. And you get your cloud out
the hormones and it's like, yeah, this is it. It's not right. It's something wrong. I couldn't
put my finger on what it was when I started having panic attacks and anxiety attacks just
out of nowhere. I'd start where I couldn't breathe and I start crying. And then it would be
like, OK, what is happening? I got some coaching and some help and some talking and
some help and some talking. I still don't quite know. I knew that I wasn't being a
business. I knew I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't know what
that thing was. So coaching and talking and coaching and talking. And one of the things
I was very clear to me at that period is like, I don't want to spend my life working just to
make money. It just is just not enough for me to spend my life just going to work nine to
five come home. And all I've done is contribute to someone else's corporate business.
[00:15:00] And it doesn't matter how wonderful they are. I needed some more purpose
in my life. I would tell you what age that was because almost most women have this.
But I don't want to say it now. You don't have to. Good. But every woman has this at this
age that I was at that I can't tell you.
[00:15:19] Is it? Can you give us.
[00:15:20] It's between something and if I'm after thirty eight before forty five. Is that
better. Yeah that's great. I super. So I think, I think most women I get to this point and
they're like I'm done. I need to be who I am. I watch a lot of friends go through it. And I
was a little late getting to that party. But when I got there, I was like, yeah, I know. I get
it. I get it. It's all in retrospect, you realize. Yeah. You look back and it's so obvious.
You're like, oh, oh. Oh.
[00:15:46] Exactly. And going forward, it's it's hard. So you know what I try to tell you.
Let's just do what feels right, because when you get when you get far enough ahead
and you turn around and you look back, it will make sense.
[00:15:59] Yes. Yes. And everything now makes sense. I had to go through that journey.
I had to go to that struggle. I had to have the anxiety attacks because that's the only
way that me, my personality was going to get out of and moving toward my purpose.
Yeah. Right on. And then I started my foundation. And that was also a struggle because
not everyone was on board with it.
[00:16:24] They had a few well intentioned people when I started my company. One of
my companies, I reach out for advice on purpose. What you have to remember is when
you reach out for advice that you may hear things you don't want to hear. You make
your things that you need to hear. But not in the way you want to hear it. And it's it's
well-meaning. But for the person giving you the advice, they're giving it from their own
perspective, their own personal experience, their own pain or pleasure or what have
you. And that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. Yep, absolutely. But
when you're asking for advice, you don't. You've got to take it off. Thank you. Yeah.
Exactly. Exactly. So there you know, I have to go through all that advice. I'm like, OK,
they don't really get me. Oh, I don't want to hear that. I needed to hear that. Yeah. And
then finally, I'm here now, and this is still a beginning for anyone looking at me. It's a
beginning. But for me, this is this is not. Yeah.
[00:17:21] It's kind of like you hear about those overnight successes. You know, you've
been touring musicians, you've been touring for 20 years. And they're like, oh, yeah,
overnight success. Thanks. There's a lot of work that goes into it.
[00:17:33] Exactly. Exactly. Personal work. External work. And that's what I wanted to
share. Well, thank you so much, Shay.
[00:17:39] Thanks for taking time out of the way. Brugada, that's it to do this. I really,
really appreciate it. And I look forward to talking to your more and seeing you next year,
hopefully in Seattle for the regatta there. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right, everyone, you
have a great day. And we'll have more interviews from the Witte Regatta coming up
soon.
[00:18:02] Thank you, my Viragos, for listening to the I Am Virago podcast. Check out new episodes every Tuesday. If you have ideas or suggestions of whom you'd like to hear from on this podcast, go to IAmVirago.com and leave a message. And remember, you are Virago.